7/10/2023 0 Comments Intrusive thoughts about deathWhat can I do? Is there any point in going back to see a psychologist again? I need to plan everything and know what's going to happen. I cancel plans or ignore friends (only occasionally) because I find life so difficult. Some days it takes me an hour to make a decision about leaving the house and then I get in the car and then get back out again and go inside. Not doing any right now but what am I meant to do? I'm still like this. I feel like over the years I've done so much counselling. They're constant and stupid and they make me feel like it's really happening. if I'm at shop with my son I imagine him falling off the escalator or running onto the road or something. Today at work I kept imagining random things like my partner calling to tell me my son is dead, having to do cpr on my mum, people around me hating and accidentally messaging me a bitchy comment about me instead of a colleague, choking, falling down the stairs (like when I was about to go down them), getting cancer and knowing I will die and leave my son. It's almost like I go into this other world where it's really happening and I feel what I would feel (to some extent). And my body and mind feel like they're truly experiencing it. Eg my brain finds a way to turn every thought or experience into a story about my death or my son's death. At the moment, everything revolves around being scared of bad things happening. I have a 1.5year old son and I am finding my anxiety is so enormous lately and I'm so tired of it. I'm currently on medication and I want off it but I can't seem to do that right now. I have had anxiety for my whole life I think and have gone through many patches of depression.
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